Oh Christmas tree.

    Sitting on my leather couch.  The house is quiet except for the soft hum of the fridge.  My Christmas tree is glowing and it's lovely.  The lights are dimmed.  I purposely have the blinds closed because I love to get the full affect of the twinkling lights,  I don't care if it's two in the afternoon.  I want to sit on my huge over stuffed lovely brown leather couch that I am still paying for.   I love it so much and I HAD to have it.  I melt into it every time.   It was worth it, and so is the monthly bill.  To hell with debt free for now.  My eyes are starting to fuzz in and out and I pull my blanket in close.  

  I see through the branches, past the ornaments and the twinkling lights that it has begun to snow outside as if on cue.  Now all I need is a little Diana Krall Christmas music in the background, 

  I watch the big fat snowflakes twisting, flipping and falling towards the ground.  Reminds me of when I was little and would try to follow one snowflake from the sky to the ground without losing it.  

My eyes are drawn to the tree again and they fall on the little circle hanging from one of it's branches.  It has a little embroidered Christmas tree on it and the material has aged so much it is yellow though I know it was once a stark white but that was when it hung on Mom's tree so many years ago.  A tinge of sad hits my stomach and I wiggle it free by changing positions on the yummy chocolate couch.  Kind of like when you rub a charlie horse out.  It's still there.. but it subsides just enough to for my eyes to fall on the R.I.P. BUTTERS ornament in the shape of an actual Christmas tree that makes me smile and almost chuckle.   Butters was my husbands poor cat that I found... (God rest her soul, or was it a him??  Either way) under the Christmas tree DEAD one year (NO LIE) and I pulled it out by its tail stiff as a board.   I later confessed to Justin that I accidently sucked Butters tail up with the vacuum that previous night and yelled at it because he/she would not get out of the way.  Did I mention this was right before it ran under the tree and well, I guess kicked the bucket??  Who knows, but it still makes me chuckle.  My mom made the ornament for Justin that Christmas and we laughed so hard Ma and I both almost wet are pants.  

  Right next to it I see the ginger bread man that Cole made in pre-school one year and just as I am getting sentimental a Barbie foot catches my eye and I sit up and lean forward to focus.  Is that??  Huh??  YES a full naked Barbie and WOA! WHAT THE HECK... a half eaten piece of string cheese.   The Barbie has an abandoned shoe lace tied around her naked chest and there she hangs..  real creepy.   I sit back and sink into my delicious amazing unpaid for couch and I pull my blanket up real close and I gaze at it all.  Trying real hard to tune out the naked dairy queen and her sadistic slutty strings tied around her plastic rack.  My daughter is probably chuckling upstairs in her bed eating the rest of the string cheese.. Little shit.    

   I love the tree and I love what it symbolizes.  Every year I say I am going to have a tree was a theme and everything is going to match and when people come see it they are going to think I am so creative and talented. But every year I pull out the Butters ornament... and the yellowed embroidered Christmas tree circle and so many others and I relive every single Christmas I have ever had and every year I add a few new ones to replace the ones that have fallen victim to little children's curios fingers.  

   Maybe I will keep the Barbie up there too. I am sure in her own unique way Kendall meant for it to be special like the rest of them.  I will lose the cheese though.  

   Merry Christmas everyone.  Take time to appreciate the memories.  And don't forget to own those new ones, even if it's as silly as a half naked Barbie shoved in your tree.