COLE

  When I was 19 years old I found out I was pregnant.  I remember holding the pregnancy test in my hands and this feeling of devastation washed over me.  My life had come to an abrupt halt, it literally froze in time as I sat on the bathroom floor and wept.   I didn't know how I would tell my parents, or Justin's parents.  I didn't know how to move forward.  I was angry and scared and I felt very alone.  I wanted to ask God why he let this happen, but I didn't because the answer was already buzzing though my head.    

   When I told my mom and dad I was pregnant I was terrified,  the daughter of missionaries, I figured this would be the last straw.  Being quite a hell raiser in high school I thought my parents would tell me enough is enough.  I remember walking into the living room and the lights were off, my mom lay on the couch sleeping peacefully unaware that her youngest daughter was about to drop a whopper on her.  I wanted to stand their in the quiet and take it all in for a few more moments.  The calm before the storm.  Little did I know that after I told her she would put my face in her hands and ask me if I was OK. Give me a strong hug and tell me she loved me.   Little did I know of Gods grace and his plan.  

  This is my story 7 years later.  Someday hopefully Cole, my son,  will read this and understand that just because his mommy and daddy might not have been prepared for his arrival.  Somebody was.

PLANNED

You came to me unexpected.

God gave you to me and I didn't ask.

What makes me so special?

Like thunder after a lightning storm,

the ones you and I like to watch.

Scary at first but what a thrill,

just like you coming into my life.

And all at once you were here,

you make me a better woman.

God gave you to me, but I never asked..

How did I get so lucky?

Remember to try and be prepared,

 God will give you something you don't ask for,

and when he does stop and remember our story. 

You were planned, created and placed in my arms.

God turned me into a mother

He turned you into a son.

Now we will both watch you grow up

and to soon you'll turn into a man.

This time I'll know that life isn't in my hands.

I'll give Him to you because you are His

and together we will raise you.

He will love you strong, please love Him strong,

he loves you more then I do.

Inconceivable, incredible, indescribable

that He loves you more then I do.

Grow up child, go into this world,

slow up child.. don't do it to soon.

This world may not be ready for you.

But just like I, it will adjust

and wrap it's arms around you,

And just like your mother

it may and will sin against you.

But one thing will always be certain..

He planned you, God made you

He knows everything about you,

 God chose ME to be your mother.

I'll thank him forever, I'll love you for always..

as long as I'm living our son you will be.