thank u. :)

Song Suggestions:  Never Alone by Barlow Girl

  I was in a Beth Moore Bible study a few years ago.  One of the things I remember most about that Bible study was in one of the lessons.  But first you need to know that Beth Moore has this INSANE way of reading the Bible. As she reads it you can literally close your eyes and feel like your standing there with Jesus..  as He's.. healing the sick, loving the sick and twisted.. and doing all the beautiful holy things that make him God..  the things that make us trust Him and hope for something better when life down here on earth has.. gone to pot.   

  The thing I remembered?  These are my words not Beth's.. but this is what I personally took from it.  That God is a jealous God.   He really wants us to trust Him and love Him.. He will stop at nothing to make us His.  If we doubt Him in anyway..  He wants us to say it to Him.. Call Him on it. (remember these are my words not Beth's)  Because how do you learn how to trust someone??  They need to prove it to you.  

side note:  I am not trying to come off as preachy.  I am intimidated as hell to talk about God.  I usually do though, because I believe in Him.  

  So when dilemmas come up and things don't make sense to me... I call Him on it.  Usually when I do He turns around and a gives me an answer that makes me feel like a puppy with my tail between my legs.. you know, nose down to the ground making no eye contact.   Can you envision??   But I get my answer.. I usually am humbled and my trust grows for Him.  

   I wrote a post recently called Rotten Lemonade.  I was basically having one of those moments where  I wanted to know where God had been.  I wanted to know what my incentive was.  I was sick of trying and I had sort of hit a spiritual wall.    I was angry and I called Him on it.  It felt good.  It felt good because I knew I was going to get an answer, I always do.  Sometimes.. god forbid.. I have to wait.  But it was worth the wait. 

   So it has been what, a month and a half since the Rotten Lemonade posting.. and this is what He has shown me.. I feel like I need to tell you since I publicly pinned Him to the wall and threatened Him.  

  

  First off.. I can live life without a vehicle.  It sucks.. I am still doing it.  I whine to my friends and coworkers to make myself feel better, they are sick of me I am sure, but they nod and listen to me.. and feel sorry for me, and I feel better.  Since Justin has been my chauffeur I have gotten to spend a little more time with him.. it's actually made us a little closer which is always nice.  I didn't really ask God for any of that but He gave it to me anyway.

   Then we have the whole line in my earlier post where I said.. "I am going to own this moment for what it is.  I am angry.  I am hopeful.  I still trust. I am tired.  I want good, and damn-it I deserve good."     

  You know that line that says "If I knew then what I know now"?     When I had the accident the police never asked me for my license.. never ran my license.  I was unaware that I had let my license expire.  If they would have ran my license..  we would have had no insurance coverage.. aka we would have been screwed.  I found this out 3 weeks later and I was so thankful.. we are so lucky.     Oh and the pay cut that Justin's work decided to give him.. well he has since been promoted.  We didn't even know if he was going to have a job for much longer when I got into the accident we were so stressed and worried.    I just asked God to get us through it..   I guess He must be a bit of an over achiever.. or maybe just a perfectionist..

There are just to many blessing to mention.. but I am so glad I pinned Him to that wall.  I am so glad I called Him on it.  Because in that another lesson was learned...  I handed Him fire and angry words and I questioned Him a bit..  he handed me patience and security, a bit of luck, good friends.. and of course more trust in Him..  A loving God.  A jealous God.. who refocused me.. who centered me and made me realize that I need to be thankful for the things I have.. not concentrate on the things I don't have.

OK..  now it's getting to soupy.. I am not a soupy blogger.  But I was handed something that I felt was undeserved.. and I was angry.  Now I am again handed something that is undeserved.. and I am thankful.. and humbled.  

dear God..

thank you thank you thank you thank you.. thank you.

love Renee